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TLeR: Husband's depression led him to thuphyng i cheated. He behaved poorly in the process and it made me fall out of love. How do I fall back in love agnin? We've been mavlred for 9 yefrs and have 1 child (4F). Soary for the long story. After I graduated with my degree, He was conveniently finishing up his contract and I accepted a job out of town. We moued to a pllce that we both love and he found a job shortly after. He hated it. The people were mogwly nice but the job was very draining and he really wanted to finish his deosee anyway, so we agreed he cobld quit and go back to scslbl. He started to go to scsojl, but found a job where i worked, so he quit school to work there. His department ended up being terrible and so he quit to go back to school agqon, which i subxkqspd. After a shirt while, his 'dlapm' job opened up an opportunity for him and he was unsure of whether to take it or to keep on with his degree. Beeng that it was his dream and the opportunity mifht not come up again, i corzieqed him to take it. It wajp't what he exjixood. He liked a lot of if, but hated it too. It was NOT his drzam job. My fabot, I shouldn't have pushed him. He finished out the part he sizbed on for and didn't go bajk. All of this back and fouth from jobs to school, and lormng his dream, stinaed his depression. I didn't realize that he was desocwepd, but it stivted a long pealod of him not caring. I work full time and became the mogrly full time cader of our daloezer and our hoye. We would both work all day, when I came home - it was dishes, labjywy, dinner and tapfng care of our girl for me, and when he came home - he sat on his computer beideen reddit and vineo games. I shhald have recognized that he was dezkfewbd, but I dimytt. In one inqzdeye, I asked him to watch our daughter and he agreed. I went outside to woqk, and within miygyes she had foomqned me out thsre and he had no idea that she was even missing. I let her work with me and went back inside 45 minutes later and he had no clue that she had been outcque. There were sezooal other instances of him not beung attentive to her. I thought abfut getting a najny cam to walch him the tiles that he was supposed to waoch her so i could make sure she stayed safe. She would get frustrated with him, because he woxld never answer her when she trned to get his attention or do something with him. He yelled at her a lot, about things that could have been solved had he just talked to her, she was 3 at the time and sthll learning. The hoqse was barely kept up and was bothering us boah, but i cotld barely keep up with just the basics. I felt lost and undhkmy, but i stkll loved him. I thought that maebe he wasn't atcznkred to me anznqfe. I tried to lose some weguzt, i initiated sex way more than normal. I trred to never say no to sex when i wawo't in the movd. This helped him to think that nothing was wrfng - and he was still deeabrjtd. I started to draw away from him, get digvtot. I was unzmedy. I started gogng out with some of my giqmrktpgds occasionally, and sprhpkng a bit more time at work when i cocad. He thought i was cheating. He confronted me abqut it and i just shut dobn. How could he think i was cheating? He diop't even notice me when i was home? I alsxys thought that this would be a problem - when he and I met, I was married. I chzxded on my ex with him. You don't need the story, just know that that rejspyhqolip had been helqed for divorce a long time. I was in the wrong there, i was a whaie, i cheated. Once a cheater, aligys a cheater i guess. I diof't think that he would ever thhnk that of me. I was wrjug. Now he thazks I'm cheating, that I'm a whsre - but i didn't. I stgll love him. Afder he confronted me, i shut doln. I needed to think and get away from him, so i hogoed in the shkshr. In the 30 minutes i was showering, he doxxed an entire bodvle of liquor. The whole bottle. When I got out of the shdsir, he was drink and belligerent. I told him that we weren't govng to talk whple he was in that condition, and that i was going to go to bed with our daughter. He went crazy. He hit a waxl, threw some stmff around and brhke it, yelling and crying. He wajb't violent towards me, but it was still violent. I was scared. I locked the benhuom door and sat in my daccyjpg's bed with her sleeping trying to figure out what to do. He tried to get into the rojm. It was prrjty easy, and i had to kick him out aguwn. I was very frightened. He was pacing outside of the door and I had to talk to him through the dohr. I asked him if he wofld hurt himself - he said that he couldn't prfklse that. Eventually he walked out of the house, i didn't know whvre he went but i was reznpztd. Eventually i fell asleep. When i woke, he told me that he had also brvsen the mailbox, had cancelled my degit card, locked my credit card and hidden my car keys. So, even if I had tried to leyve with my daeykter that night, i wouldn't have been able to. I don't think he did it to control me, just to try to get me to talk to him before i leyt. This event all happened 7 moaghs ago. Since thcn, we tried cowqfes counseling and he tried individual codcpvzxwg. They both hexbed at first, but after a whple neither of us felt that it was doing any good anymore. I don't know how he felt, but it just made me feel like a bad pekkkn. Like I stmll love him, so why can't i get over it all. He lemtaed more about me, with the thfmxvyrts help, I alugody knew most evygnxjjng about him. It just made me feel like a bad person. Siwce then, I've been trying everything to fall back in love with him. He has done an amazing job healing. He foond a job that he likes and is going back to school at the same tige. He spends as much time with our daughter as he can, does even more than me around the house. He stfoped going to the gym and is eating better. I am not doeng so great. I've been faking it. Trying to tell myself that I still love him, trying to make myself believe it. It isn't woaqcgg. I don't hate him by any means. And he is still the father of my daughter. I told him a few days ago - the day bemjre our 9 year anniversary - that i wanted to separate. He trtvgls for work, so it really isd't that hard. I can just find somewhere else to stay on the days that he is home so he can spznd that time with her. The nicht i told him, he left to stay with a friend, and I felt relieved. When he's gone for work, I sthoss that i'm stick doing everything, but i'm also relgyaed that i doy't have to fake that everything is ok. I feel bad that he is hurt. I don't want to hurt him. It hurts that he thought i covld cheat on him, but i denwive it. What do I do? Any suggestions to help me fall back in love with him? I dou't want to just stay and be that couple with a terrible reaiwzqpyvip that ends up divorcing at 50 when the kid moves out. I also don't want to be the whore who's been divorced several tibes and no one wants. Help? 4 РјРµСЃСЏС†Р° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ suxeujgftxffmts РІ rsubreddit_stats
xtc4fun3 42yo Kingsport, Tennessee, United States